You sit down, pick up your pen, and then….

Nothing.

It’s not that you don’t have anything to say about your partner, it’s that there’s so much to say! How do you sum up years of life together in just a few words? How do you begin to explain what this day means to you? If writing isn’t your thing, how do you make sure that words don’t fall short?

Writing vows is stressful for a lot of people - you aren’t alone! To help crush that writer’s block, here are my tips on how to write wedding vows.

Why Write Your Own Wedding Vows?

It can be tempting to scrap the whole thing and find a template, or have your officiant read the traditional “till death do us part” vows. But, I really recommend writing your own!

While vulnerability can be super hard, it’ll be so much more meaningful for your partner to hear your promises and your vows to them in your own words. Taking the time to write wedding vows instead of looking up a template or using someone else’s words will mean so much more, and it’s totally okay if you’re not an amazing writer! As long as your words come from you, they’ll be perfect.

Start From the Beginning

Think of your vows like a story. There’s a beginning, a middle, and an end - and your beginning should start at the beginning of your relationship! Whether it’s about how you met, your first date, or the first time you knew you loved them, start your vows with a story that reflects your relationship.

After that, you’ve got the middle of your vows - this is where you make your promises, and tell your partner what this day means to you, and how to view this commitment. This is the middle of your story - you’ve conquered dating, meeting the family, getting through your first fight, and so much more.

But your wedding day isn’t the end of your story - you’ve still got a lifetime together! At the end of your vows, talk about everything you hope to experience in the future, and where you see your relationship going. Whether it’s more adventures, travel, kids, or adopting a puppy, talk about what you’re excited for.

Just Start Writing

This may seem like silly advice - if you could “just start,” wouldn’t you be finished by now?

But, what I mean is that at this point, when you’ve just started crafting your vows, it’s best to start writing and put down whatever comes to mind without worrying about whether it sounds good or even if it makes sense. This isn’t the time to start pulling out the thesaurus and editing yourself - focus on just getting the words on paper! The hardest part of getting anything done is getting started, and it’s important not to let perfectionism get in the way. Anything is better than nothing, and once you start writing, you’ll notice that the words begin to flow more easily, and as you come up with memories and anecdotes, you’ll start thinking of more and more to say. You can always go back and make changes later!

Even if all that comes to mind is a funny story from college, you can start by writing down some bullet points! In the early stages, it’s all about brainstorming and getting your ideas out.

Use Pen and Paper

There’s something so much more creativity-inducing about writing with an actual pen and paper, instead of typing things into your phone. Technology allows us to get so easily distracted - one minute you’re in the Notes app, or you’re looking up “how to write wedding vows,” and before you know it you clicked a notification and got sucked into Instagram, even though you totally meant to just reply to that one comment.

Using pen and paper allows you to put your phone away and set aside time to really focus on writing wedding vows. The creativity may not hit you right away, but give it some time!

Dig Deep

Especially if you aren’t the type of person to share your feelings or get vulnerable easily, writing wedding vows can be really daunting. But, this is the time to dig deep and talk about your feelings!

Think about how you felt throughout the stages of your relationship, the moment you knew you wanted to marry them, and all the little things they do that make you love them. They’ll appreciate it so much when they hear your vows!

Read Them Out Loud

After you’ve written your vows and you have a first draft, read them out loud! How many times have you written something down, only to read it to someone else and realize it makes no sense? Our brains fill in the gaps when we read our own words - so saying it all out loud can help a lot when it comes to editing!

The best thing you can do is read your wedding vows out loud to someone else - but if this is too scary, reading out loud to yourself totally works too! If you have a friend around, they can give you some feedback and help you think about your words from an outside perspective.

Relax!

It may seem like a lot of pressure, but honestly, if your wedding vows come from you and they express how you feel, your partner won’t care if you aren’t the next Shakespeare. They aren’t putting nearly as much pressure on you as you’re putting on yourself, and they’ll love whatever you have to say.

Relax and speak from the heart, and you’re guaranteed to make them cry. Happy tears, of course!